I WANT TO BE A TORY

I want to be a Tory, I’ve got what it takes,

I could live on caviar, quails eggs and steaks.

I could drive a Bentley and park it where I like,

I’ll avoid the unemployed and make them ride a bike,

I’ll check the facts are all exact then tell a different story,

I want to lie with confidence; I want to be a Tory.

I want to be a Tory, I want to own The Sun,

I want to write for morons and make up lousy puns,

I want to put important matters in the national press,

Like naked tits, bless the blitz and this week’s new princess.

Photo pics of violent kicks, make ‘em good ‘n’ gory,

I don’t want NEWS in papers; I want to be a Tory.

I want to be a Tory, I want to fight a war.

I want to send our men to die on some deserted shore.

I want to kill the foreigners, who say that we’re not boss,

Who cares if blacks are on their backs, I couldn’t give a toss.

I don’t like Micks, or Paks or Spics or Reds, and furthermore-y,

The Frogs are all just cowards, I want to be a Tory.

I want to be a Tory ‘cause England is the best,

If anyone disputes that we’ll put them to the test,

I want a tax on poverty to subsidize the rich,

I’ll build defence at great expense and praise the Iron Bitch,

I want to shirk and do no work - then bathe in others glory,

I want to be a taker, I want to be a Tory

I want to be a Tory and idolize the wealthy,

I want to use the sick to make profits for the healthy,

I’ll sell the country’s assets to anyone with money

I’ll take the cash then make a dash and find the whole thing funny.

I’ll flout the law to make a score, a habit old and hoary,

I want to greet the rich elite, I want to be a Tory.

I want to be a Tory and be cynical and greedy,

Keep mammon for the five percent and pilfer from the needy,

I don’t believe in welfare and hand-outs for the peasants,

I’ll be laughing while their starving ‘cause I’ll be eating pheasant

If they can’t cope and have no hope it’s just memento mori

I want to be a BASTARD, I want to be a TORY.